1# Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers

2# Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole

3# Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry

4# Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.

5# There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings

6# “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God.

7# God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.

8# If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?

9# He’s Dead.

It’s Been 2,000 years.
He’s Not Coming Back.
Get OVER It Already!

10# All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.

11# Viva La Evolución!

12# Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season

13# I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist

14# Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.

15# People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs

16# Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.

17# Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!


19# Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK

20# God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus

21# God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.

22# When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!

23# Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.

24# You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing

25# I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.

26# Science: It Works, Bitches.

27# “Intelligent Design” Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987

28# I Found God Between The Sheets

29# I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent

30# My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel

31# Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten

32# If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?

33# Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia

34# ALL Americans Are African Americans

35# I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?

36# I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God

37# The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative

38# If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?

39# JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself

40# How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?

41# Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?

A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.

42# Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex

43# I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.

44# WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.

45# The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children

46# Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War

47# Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony

48# God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?

49# When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.

50# No Gods. No Mullets.