Wedding Plans, Vows, and Stress

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My fiancée Emery and I are getting closer to the big day, and are trying the best we can to piece together our wedding.

Wedding Plans

It’s not going quite as planned. It seems more like we are piecing together a wedding for everyone that we’ve invited, rather than a wedding for us. But I guess that is what a wedding should be!

I can confess that in a past life I went through a wedding ceremony. It was a nice day, and in a perfect location. But, I wasn’t ready for a wedding back then. I didn’t want anyone there. In fact at the time , I didn’t ‘believe’ in marriage. I just wanted the two witnesses that were required, and to keep it simple. I didn’t want emotion, or anyone to see.

Now, I feel a lot different about weddings. I understand the public ceremony and professing your commitment and love for each other. There seems to be something bigger at stake when you put yourself through a ceremony in front of all your close family and friends. Not only are we getting married in front of more than 100 people, but we are doing it in a public park! There are bound to be bystanders.

Seeing that this is the first time that I feel the need to be a bit prepared, I am caught a bit off guard as to how much can go into getting ready for a wedding! Luckily we don’t have cable and aren’t watching all those bride shows on TLC! It is a fine line between planning an affordable wedding, and making it one that everyone will enjoy and you will remember fondly for the rest of your life!

The Stress

The stress of planning our wedding day reminds me of a key part of becoming an accredited lender at my old employer (where Emery and I met). We had to do 20 complex lending deals in 10 days. The rules were very rigid, and as the days went on the pressure intensified. Many lenders dropped out after a few days. I passed on the 9th day after 18 deals, but I wondered why they stopped me at 18? It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I figured it out…The bank wasn’t testing my skills as a lender. They knew at the time that I was still learning. They were testing how I could handle stress! I didn’t panic. I just kept plugging along doing deals. Once they saw that I was able to think under pressure, not crack, and to utilize my resources, they passed me.

The same thing applies to marriage! Can we plan this wedding without snapping? The stress of planning a wedding while we are still engaged is far more stress than our regular lives. We have been together for a couple of years, and have been through a hell of a lot! With 3 boys in the house, a new baby, blended families and schedules; planning a wedding feels like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Once the kids are in bed, and we sit on the couch, it is approaching 9pm. We both feel like crawling into bed…At some point we realize that NOTHING is getting done. It’s hard to ask others to help us get our shit together. It feels like day 9 on the lender training…Is it normal to hear a clock ticking 24/7 and slowly getting louder?

The Vows

Tonight we finally arranged our meeting with the marriage commissioner. She sent us an email selection of wedding vows and introductions to choose from. The problem? The meeting is tomorrow right after work! We are completely not prepared for it!

We, like most newly married couples, want our vows and introduction to have special meaning for us. With all that’s gone on(from a busy family life to a tragic death in the family), it has been the last thing on our minds! Oops. So, at the last minute we are trying to find secular wedding vows that don’t sound boring as hell(who wants the generic stuff we’ve all heard a thousand times?), don’t reference Jesus, the Holy Father or that Ghost, but won’t get me all emotional in front of everyone. Emery will be far more nervous to think about emotions, but I have a hard time holding back the tears if I start to express my feelings for her. What a delicate balance! I want something meaningful, but not so much that I start to think about the words and how true they are! Damn!  I know everyone there will want to see me weeping like a baby, but I’m not too fond of that…lol.

If anyone out there has some great vows that they’ve heard or used, please share them!

I will try to post a few more times before the wedding on the progress, if my head doesn’t explode first!