“If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.” Bertrand Russell (1872–1970)
Have you been worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster lately? Better get on it sinner…
I recommend the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is the word of God.
Here is a brief overview(copied from Wikipedia, of course…) of the main components of this growing religious group…
Henderson proposed many of the beliefs in reaction to common arguments by proponents of intelligent design.
The canonical beliefs of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism are set forth by Henderson in the Open Letter, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and on Henderson’s web site, where he is described as a prophet.
The central belief is that there is an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster, which created the entire universe “after drinking heavily.” All evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in an effort to test Pastafarians’ faith—a form of the Omphalos hypothesis. When scientific measurements, such as radiocarbon dating, are made, the Flying Spaghetti Monster “is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.”
The Pastafarian belief of heaven stresses that it contains beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale, and the strippers have VD.
The religious text of the Pastafarian religion is called the Loose Canon. In place of the Ten Commandments, it contains the Eight I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts.
The official conclusion to prayers is “RAmen”, contained in certain sections of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and so on. It is a portmanteau of the Semitic term “Amen” (used in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) and Ramen, a noodle. While it is typically spelled with both a capital “R” and “A”, it is also acceptable to spell it with only a capital R.
Pirates and global warming
According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are “absolute divine beings” and the original Pastafarians. Their image as “thieves and outcasts” is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages and Hare Krishnas. Pastafarianism says that they were in fact “peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will” who distributed candy to small children, and adds that modern pirates are in no way similar to “the fun-loving buccaneers from history.” Pastafarians celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19.
The inclusion of pirates in Pastafarianism was part of Henderson’s original letter to the Kansas School Board. It illustrated that Correlation does not imply causation. Henderson put forth the argument that “global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of pirates since the 1800s.” A chart accompanying the letter shows that as the number of pirates decreased, global temperatures increased; the absurdity of this demonstrates how statistically significant correlations do not imply a causal relationship.